Andy King: Inaugural Recipient Rice Inspirational Teaching Award

 

Thank you, Alex for the kind and humbling introduction. And thank you Mr. Rice for establishing this award. It's an honor to be the first recipient and I look forward to future years when I will be in the audience, listening to my inspiring colleagues' salute to our graduates.

 

Before I begin my remarks about the Class of 2008, I would also like to salute the parents of this year's graduates. In particular, thank you to the members of the Senior Dinner Committee, especially co-chairs Connie Zuckerman and Margot Shaw who led a group of dedicated volunteers who have spent months putting this grand evening together. And on behalf of my colleagues, I would also like to thank all of the parents for the encouragement, support, and love that you have given your sons and daughters during their time at Hackley.

 

But my heartiest thanks go to the members of the Class of 2008 who invited me to speak this evening. It is truly an honor to address a group that holds such a special place in my head and my heart. Since the last day of classes, I have been commiserating with my colleagues that the halls of Hackley just aren't the same without you in them. In fact, there hasn't been a single spontaneous dance party since you left. For the many of you who have been on the receiving end of a challenging assignment from me, I want you to know that writing this speech is payback, as it has been very a challenging assignment for me. It's not that I suffer from a lack of things to say to you (Anyone who knows me well knows that I never suffer from a lack of things to say.) The challenge is that I want to say something meaningful and significant, rather than rattle off boiler plate commencement fare. With the speech written, the microphone in my face, and you in the audience, it's your turn to grade me on whether I have a clear thesis statement and strong supporting evidence. So, here goes.

 

As I thought about your class' definitive characteristics, many different qualities ran through my mind. In reflecting on our shared time together in the Upper School, I thought about your impressive scholarship, your athletic prowess, your dedication and leadership of community service, your dazzling skills as artists, musicians, actors, actresses, and dare I say dancers. While I applaud each of you for your impressive contributions in these fields, these individual accomplishments do not explain why you are such a unified and magnetic grade.

 

Several weeks ago, as I walked through the Senior Hallway during a crowded free period, I noticed something that should have occurred to me long ago. Looking around the Senior Hallway and in all of the corridors and other places you populate, I noticed that there is not a loner among you. Each and every one of you is deeply connected to a group of people in your class. And though your groups may not regularly mingle, all of you can say that you are leaving Hackley with more friends than when you arrived, whether that arrival date was two years ago or, in the case of our impressive crop of lifers, thirteen years ago. Simply put, the students of the Class of 2008 understand better and value friendship more than any I have seen in my decade at Hackley. It goes without saying that you would do just about anything for your close circle of friends, but you have also shown that you understand the importance of befriending all of the members of your class, not just those closest to you. You also understand that friendships are not easy. I have seen the tears and frustrations borne out of the intensity of your friendships. But I have also seen the reconciliations and acts of forgiveness that resurrect what seem liked damaged relationships. Though they may not feel as challenging as the SATs, Mr. Clark's Calculus tests, Doc Rob's comps, AP exams, "quests," "twizzes," and "knowledge extravaganzas" that you have taken over the years, the friendship tests you have faced and aced have been the most demanding and without a doubt, the most rewarding. In Mr. Johnson's talk to the 8th graders at their recognition ceremony, he challenged the soon-to-be ninth graders to not just think about the curriculum of their academic courses, but also to think about the "curriculum of friendship," that part of the Hackley curriculum that you won't find on your daily schedule or in the course description book, but whose lessons come in so many forms and from friends, other students, teachers, and parents. When I heard that phrase, I realized that as we encouraged our newest members of the Upper School to think about the importance of friendship, we were about to say goodbye to a group of seniors who have mastered the "curriculum of friendship."

 

The friendships you cherish today have been growing since your first days at Hackley. Since your arrival to Hackley, you have been reminded many times about one of the school's mottos: "Enter here to be and find a friend." You hear it so often that you may not have given it much thought. Those of us who work here and try to live up to this motto give it a great deal of thought and we are honored to be in the presence of a group who embodies this creed. In fact, in a few minutes, you will be treated to the Senior Slide Show, which will help reconstruct the mosaic that is your individual and shared experience at Hackley. In other words, you will get to see the friend you have been and the friends you have found.

 

For those of you who came to Hackley in the Lower School, your friendships were forged in the cozy quarters of the old Lower School, perhaps in the even cozier 5th Grade Annex. Perhaps your friends were your teammates in lunchtime football with Mr. D. Maybe it was the person with whom you walked to PE class with Mr. A, where you wouldn't be able to find him because he had climbed into the rafters of the gym only to alert you to his presence with his booming, unforgettable voice. Maybe it was your castmate in your rousing performances of "The Great Kapok Tree" or "St. George and the Dragon." The lessons about respect, sharing, listening, consideration of others, and kindness that you learned in the nurturing environment of the Lower School are an important part of your education about the requirements and importance of friendship.

 

In Middle School, your class grew, adding a few new students who changed the dynamics of your grade. Undoubtedly, friendships became more complicated. At the time, was there a more important decision than deciding who you would label your "best friend?" Worrying about your roommates for the school trips to Boston and Washington seemed like matters of life and death. In the MS, you began to forge friendships on Hackley sports teams, during those years when you donned a Hackley uniform for the first time. In "The Music Man," your friendships strengthened under the watchful eye of the one and only Mrs. McNaughton. Your friendships were also solidified in your understanding that the school consciously built the new middle school so it would open just in time for you to enter the Upper School. You know, just to spite you. And for the first time, some of you faced the challenging prospect of having a different kind of friend: a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And to say that complicated matters is quite the understatement. Even as middle schoolers you were well-aware of the challenges and importance of friendship. In fact, you even did something about it, helping to launch the Natural Helpers' program. What a legacy to have been the class to pilot this successful and important program that helps middle schoolers understand what it means to "be and find a friend."

 

And then you came to the Upper School. Once again, your class grew in size. You gained more than 30 new students, some of whom you knew from your hometowns or schools you'd previously attended, but most of whom you were meeting for the first time. Whether it was during preseason or the 9th grade trip, in those earliest days of your 9th grade year, you began to forge new friendships. Perhaps it was the congestion and unpleasantness of the freshmen hallway that brought you closer together. As sophomores, you began to coalesce and a new person assumed a leading role in your life at Hackley-Mr. Greally, a man to whom you all owe a debt of gratitude. He's been your Dean for three years, perhaps your Chemistry teacher, perhaps your coach, perhaps your neighbor on the boarding corridor, or perhaps your advisor. But beyond the titles and labels we affix to him, he has also been your best teacher about what it means to be a friend. He's defended you when others have been quick to condemn you. He's protected you when you have felt vulnerable. He's lifted you up when you have doubted yourselves. He's made you laugh when you've needed to smile. And yet, he's been tough on you when you have needed to adjust your course. He's been the one to call you out when you have not been a good friend to others. In other words, I hope you were paying attention to the valuable friendship lessons that he has been imparting since your sophomore year. Frank, on behalf of the faculty and the Class of 2008, please know that we will miss you and we wish you well.

 

As juniors, I got to know you even better because I was teaching many of you, but also because you moved upstairs from the dungeon to the light of the junior hallway. I watched you support each other during the struggles of junior year. In fact, I traveled with an eclectic group of you to Washington and Boston for Model Congresses. There, I saw how much you enjoyed each other's company, your willingness to include and befriend classmates who were not necessarily part of your closest circle of friends. Together, we worked to spot "gavel hunters" and to avoid any hijinx at the Model Congress dances that you know I love to hate. I watched with admiration as you confronted "Proma" for the first time and did not let it ruin any friendships. (For those of you unfamiliar with this term, "Proma" refers to all of the drama that surrounds the Prom!) At the end of your junior year, I could say that I enjoyed your class, but still was not sure what made you tick.

 

And then there was your senior year. In my decade at Hackley, I have never seen a grade come together as powerfully as yours has. Over the summer, a few of you met with me to talk about launching "The Hive." Your mission may have been to raise school spirit, but you also added immensely to the cohesion of your grade. As the school year began, it was clear that there was an unusual amount of energy in the senior hallway. It was more than the usual nervous energy associated with the college application process; the school was alive with activity. Who can forget the energy of one of your classmates at Convocation when he tried to outcheer the entirety of the Lower School? Crowds at games were larger and more spirited. Involvement in community service was up. The Art Studio was always filled with seniors working on their latest masterpieces, especially this year's crop of AP superheroes who boldly challenged all of us to "fight mediocrity." The articles in The Dial were better, edgier, and ultimately prize-winning. The first Coffee House was packed, showcasing the talents of all, but especially those of you under the tent this evening. And out of this primordial soup emerged a force of nature, a group that taught us that "dancers are the athletes of God." The one, the only: Hackley All-Male Dance Squad. If you had told me that boys dressed in shiny silver jackets and short shorts, dancing to Bon Jovi, could do so much to unite a class and excite the school, I would have been surprised, and frankly it takes a lot to surprise me these days. You impressed me again this week when 70 of you showed up for the senior trip to Jones Beach. In past years, less than half the class has attended. This year, more than 2/3 of the class enjoyed some fun in the sun, whether you were reading, listening to music, playing volleyball, or digging a really big hole in the sand. What was evident in all of these displays was the genuine affection members of the Class of 2008 held for each other. These experiences, some serious and some quite silly, have brought you closer together.

 

Your year has not been without its share of adversity, but it was in those moments of adversity, where your understanding and appreciation of friendship was most evident. When your friends struggled with academic work, you were there to pick them up and encourage them to do better. I was particularly impressed with your compassion and empathy during the time when you all stalked your mailboxes for college decision letters. When college letters came with good news, you applauded your friends' and classmates' successes. And when college letters came with other kinds of news, you offered understanding and shoulders to lean on. When friends were ill and missed many days of school, you were there to help get them back on track. When friends struggled to decide which college to attend, you listened intently, helping them weigh the pros and cons of the schools. In short, you were doing what good friends do. And for you, being a good friend is as natural as breathing. These are the friendship tests that I mentioned previously and they are tests on which you all excelled.

 

What makes your remarkable acts of friendship at Hackley all the more impressive is that the larger society seems to be watering down the meaning of true friendship. On Facebook and MySpace, you can attempt to befriend just about anyone and in most cases, they will reciprocate. For instance, Facebook allows you to friend people like Barack Obama and John McCain, though you are not likely to become their real friends, let alone ever meet them. Whether your Facebook friends are your Hackley friends or celebrities, you can have no more than 5,000 friends. Even the most loyal Facebooker among you cannot possibly maintain meaningful relationships with all of them. MySpace purports to be even friendlier since there is no limit to the number of friends a devoted MySpacer can have. There, if you've already friended Obama and McCain on Facebook, you should know that there is a potato with a MySpace profile that currently boasts more than 3000 friends. Now, I am not condemning you for using Facebook or MySpace. I think they are powerful ways to keep contact with people, but don't let a proliferation of online friendships act as a substitute for the real thing. While the online world allows you to have literally thousands of friends, don't ever forget the dozens of friendships you forged here at Hackley.

 

And as you prepare to graduate from Hackley and move away from some of your friends for the first time in many years, think about why and how to stay in touch with the people who surround you this evening. First off, having friends and maintaining friendships is not just fun; it's also good for you. Robert Putnam, the noted author who warned us all about social isolation in his book "Bowling Alone," cites a scientific study that argues that people with friends, so-called "well-connected people," "live longer and happier lives." Now there's a powerful argument to use when your parents tell you that you cannot fly to see a Hackley friend over spring break. "Mom, Dad, by not letting me to fly to Florida to spend time with my friends, you are being hazardous to my health." You can thank me next year when you use that line on your parents.

 

Second, remember that Hackley is a great place for reunions. Over the years, you will be invited to countless alumni events on campus, including Alumni Days where some of those years your class will be some of the guests of honor. But even when special events are not taking place, come back to Hackley. Let the waves of nostalgia crash over you. Walk the halls and find those places that have become sacred spaces to you and your friends. Whether it's the Tuck Shop with the Breakfast Club, the table upstairs outside Mrs. Whitaker's apartment, the hallway down by the English corridor where some of the most inspiring and intellectual conversations took place, the PAC, the Art Studio, your team's home field or home court, the Boarding corridor, Ms. Ruta's office-these places are shrines to your friends and friendships at Hackley. And though the buildings will change and the layout of the school will differ, never forget the sacred spaces that nourished the powerful friendships you forged here. And with each moment that passes after your graduation, know that you are less likely to remember the long hours you devoted to your schoolwork, the rules about punctuality that caused you inexplicable moral outrage, or the stress you felt as you awaited decision letters from colleges. You are most likely to remember the friends who have meant so much to you during your years at Hackley. And, know that your friends and your teachers feel the same way about you.

 

Congratulations to the Class of 2008 for reminding all of us that in school life, lessons about friendship are just as, if not more important than the lessons about scholarship.

 

Thank you and congratulations!

 

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